I don't even know why the hell, Im thinking of these thoughts but it keeps popping up every once in a while.

Im feeling that if this world is gonna just keep giving me struggle for the hell of it, then why bother living? Why should I stay here, if people are not even hopeful of their own survival. Almost every religion talks about the destruction of mankind. And the fanatics look forward to it. Why? Why do people continue to talk about how were all gonna die, and be wiped out.

If Dieing is the only way to open the door to another world, in another dimension, I guess I look forward to it.

But why should I wait until some fatal disease hit me. Or somebody shoot me? Why should I wait for all those surprising scenarios?

I don't know, I guess I keep hoping and looking, but I could never find anybody to keep me alive in a sense. Nobody knows how I feel, and what kind of thoughts sweep my mind from time to time. I keep the fake laughs and smiles going. The jokes, all bullshit.

Im feeling a bit of it.

Never though these thoughts would ever flood my mind.
I can tear.

But cannot cry..