I don't even know why the hell, Im thinking of these thoughts but it keeps popping up every once in a while.

Im feeling that if this world is gonna just keep giving me struggle for the hell of it, then why bother living? Why should I stay here, if people are not even hopeful of their own survival. Almost every religion talks about the destruction of mankind. And the fanatics look forward to it. Why? Why do people continue to talk about how were all gonna die, and be wiped out.

If Dieing is the only way to open the door to another world, in another dimension, I guess I look forward to it.

But why should I wait until some fatal disease hit me. Or somebody shoot me? Why should I wait for all those surprising scenarios?

I don't know, I guess I keep hoping and looking, but I could never find anybody to keep me alive in a sense. Nobody knows how I feel, and what kind of thoughts sweep my mind from time to time. I keep the fake laughs and smiles going. The jokes, all bullshit.

Im feeling a bit of it.

Never though these thoughts would ever flood my mind.
I can tear.

But cannot cry..

Im going to move to another Deviant art account preity soon. Probably by next month.

Now befor my friends say, WHY, Im gonna give you the answer.

I need to start out new again. Im not the same artist when I was Overdose124, and Mrghoastkoast is changing. changing very mentally, and drastically. Im in a caccon stage right now. Probably less than 25% complete, And when I emerge Mrghoastkoast will be no longer. I will be someone else.

As I transform, I want you guys to forget I ever existed. The next account will be another person. another being. But with the same soul.

FuryOD...

OverDose124

MrGhoastkoast.

We live in competitive times. There a powerful manga artist, Japanese, Korean, Australian, french American, and ext, who are climbing their way to the top. American manga artist Im rooting for you. But I must say this one thing. My will power, to be one of the best is strong. I 'll climb the ladder to the very top, and even so I'll leap out into the air. If I cannot fly when I leap in the air, I will fall. Its all or nothing with me. Remember that.

The dream of walking into barns in Nobles, and seeing my comic series on the bookshelves, in the manga section gives me chills every time I think of it.

I can picture my self now. Suit, tie, and pen. Free book signings and posters. I want to change the world. And Im going to do so through comics.


Motivation is the key here people. Motivation and determination.

Well today started off well. Woke up early, cleaned room, went to art club, finished my essay an hour befor class, and surfed the net in the library for sometime. I even received some useful information from my professor who struggles with perfectionism like myself. She told me we must heal it, because with us spending a lot of time on one piece of work, we won't be successful in life. We must learn to just send our work out there without doubts and fears of it being perfect. She being a writer and photographer, understands the struggle I go through.

So, Im walking to my car, and befor I got out of the building I notice there were a bake sale. So Im thinking, I should buy something to munch on. Reached into my pants for my wallet, and felt air..


Long story short, my wallet filled with my ssc, my driver licence, my debit card, my cash, and contact cards, all gone. Lost.. Nobody found them. Iv retraced my steps, nothing... Asked in all lost in founds, went to security, reported it , nothing...

So i came to the conclusion it must have fell out of my pants and some ass whole took it away with them. They woulden't even have the decency to take the cash and return the wallet to lost and found?

I mean, you'r in college. You must have some sort of morals right?.

This is a very hard time for me, and with the wallet gone, I have to start all over again. Library card, I have to change my whole friken SS#, my friken Driver licence, Wal-mart discount card, and things such as my pictures of my beloved and deceased dog, are gone forever...


But besides all that drama, I came home, and out of depression finished the WATCH MEN novel... Its a very difficult ending to coop with. Can't wait to watch the movie friday. My last movie for a while.

*yawns*. so I updated some stuff. Kind of happy that this joy stick project is almost over. Now I could focus all my energy on my upcoming manga/comic, "Aireal". Im already sketching up charecter designs, and writing down ideas. And at the same time I'll be updating my gallery with random concept pictures for my comic.

School is a drag. Im tired of it but I gotta keep pushing forward. The only thing that interest me this semester is the art club. Last semester it was dead, and only consist of 4 regular members. Now its a decent size. There must have been 10 of us. I just hope I can share my ideas, and beliefs with someone in exchange for their ideas and beliefs. These days its hard for me to talk to people, and the art club is my only oportonity to make a friend.

Well, until then .



Ghoast

"I woke up early on my born day, I'm twenty years of blessing
The essence of adolescent leaves my body now I'm fresh in
My physical frame is celebrated cause I made it
One quarter through life some God-ly like thing created"

wow.. Can't belive Im 20 years old already. My teen years just blew off my head, like they almost never existed. No more being called a teen anymore. Im gonna miss that a lot. Now I have to get use to being called T... Its all to much for me. Im 20 frickin years old, and wish I wasn't. I wish I was 19 again. or 18.. I hate how this life works. I hate how time works. Wish you could just stop it at you'r own will. In another 20 years I'll be 40, and 20 more years after that, I'll be 60. I'll be old in the next 2 quarters of my life.. SHRIVLED UP AND OLD....


sucks...


Ghoast